Old things,( like having mind and body frozen during that never ending story of winter) are smudged into the back of my memory to make room for the pleasant present, and the not so distant past.
Last weekend I went with a group of 7 other women to the women's national gospel coalition conference in Orlando, Florida. Despite the oppressive humidity, the weekend was a breath of fresh air for my soul. 4000 women worshiping God together is bound to leave an impression, along with solid biblical teaching and instruction on attaining biblical literacy to at least some capacity in this life. Great speakers, great girls, great lazy rivers and nacho platters. It was an oasis that charged me up for my role as wife, mom, and member in the church. A big take-away for me was a deeper understanding of God's call NOT to make me "successful" necessarily, but a call to service, even to the point of extreme sacrifice. Cue examples like Moses, Jonah, Nehemiah- to name a few.
It has helped me keep my chin up a bit, when I'm dealing with crap up to my elbows because my girl has taken off her full diaper to create a masterpiece in her pack n play, or when my boy has at least 3 meltdowns in the parking lot before we even step foot in the store. I won't say the joy of sacrifice comes easy for me--( I may have wanted to hop back on a plane for a 2nd oasis) but at least I'm slightly re-orienting my notion of what brings joy, and who joy comes from. I think this life will be a lot more satisfying when I uncover this truth more fully, but it's a work in progress.
Anyways, I got back from the trip and realized my kids have grown up. Anneliese is singing real words to real songs, and Jesse is racing 7 year old kids on his bike at the park. I thought his training wheels were going to pop off. It's a little unnerving, seeing my little boy look like he's becoming a big boy. There is no doubt he's seriously growing, because he tells me every day, at least 3 times a day, that his "legs are broken" (translated- his legs hurt) and that he's hungry. He also takes naps. Jesse.. naps?!
It gets my mind spinning about parenting and what exactly I am going to do when he doesn't tell me 20 times a day that he loves me, and the hugs and kisses become a little less frequent. Will I miss the little boy? Or will I only see him as he is in the present? Is the change so subtle I won't notice until I look back on this blog and remember the 'broken legs' and serious PDA?
And Anneliese- that girl is so adorable that I completely missed the fact that she has been changing. Now her bangs are in her eyes, she wears a full pony tail, and everything she does is preceded by the statement " I do it". I can't even put her in her carseat without a fight.
And then me- I feel like I'm carrying a bowling ball around, and it's throwing my entire lower half into chaos. If it's not already a bit of a kicker that none of my pants/shorts cooperate, it's even worse that now my legs occasionally give out. Pregnant and changing. Which must mean there's also another little person growing up right under my nose that I don't even know yet.
But with all the change of seasons and little people, and bodies, I'm grateful that James appears to be the same. I don't think I could handle anyone else growing up at the moment, and since James has always been an old soul, I don't foresee a big spike on the horizon. But I'll have to check my calendar.
