Tomorrow my girl turns 1. I distinctly remember the months d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g. by until the big 1 year milestone for my firstborn. How did 4 months pass by me without so much as an anecdote for #2? I remember just hoping my son would make it to a year without dying. Anneliese, that thought hasn't even crossed my mind with you-- not that it shouldn't. Last week you fell into the bath tub, got trapped in the toybox, climbed onto the table, and attempted the stairs while my back was turned--and you've survived.
You started walking at 9 months. You were running at 11 months, and now you are on the brink of turning 1, and I want to freeze you here, just long enough for me to process how OLD you really are, and when you started doing so much stuff. I am not one to say things like "I need to process..." mostly because I don't. Things happen, I react, and then I move on. But now I want to process. I have two wonderful kids. Jesse cried for 15 minutes today just because you had to take a nap. He adores you, but doesn't quite snup that you are a small girl, and he is a big boy. Today's game was fishing- he would toss you a spatula tied to a string, and when you would giggle and grab it, he would sprint down the hallway with his string, pulling you with him until you crash( letting go was not an option, apparently) These are the games you two play. And I pick my battles.
You love to cuddle your daddy. Yesterday both you and Jesse were clinging to his legs before he left for work, and I had to console two bawling kids that didn't want their pops to go to work that day. It's slightly irritating in the moment (being left with the riffraff of snot and tears to wipe and dry) but while I process this memory, it warms me up to know how much you guys love your daddy.
Sometimes I feel that for every one step ahead, I am 10 steps behind in all things domestic. In those moments where I let feelings of defeat wash over me, and silently pray that I can become a career woman, I make the decision to let everything be, myself included, and I just find a comfy place to lie down and watch you play. It doesn't take long for you to realize I am lying star fish fashion on the shag carpet, an easy target, and I become the make shift trampoline for as long as my ribs can stand it. And then I have to play--balancing Jesse on my hands, tossing you up in the air off my legs, a regular 'ruff n' tuff routine- and it's hilarious. I mean, I like a tidy house, and I like to walk on the floor without peeling squashed bananas and soggy cheerios out of my toes, but I also like to play and laugh and enjoy you-- it's good for us.
I wish it was easier to describe just you, Anneliese, like I described Jesse's solitary trek through babyhood, but you have a sibling that is shaping you, and I can't seem to find a lot of stories that involve just you. But you're a quick one. You were quick to be born, quick to sit, walk, and run, and I think behind those beautiful brown, smiley eyes, you've got a quick little brain madly working to figure things out-- most of the time it's working overtime just to figure out your older brother. It's been a quick 12 months, and I can't freeze the time. That's what words are for. I hope I can write down enough of them to capture the little girl from a year ago.
Love you.
