I'm in the uncomfortable stage of my life where friends around me are drifting enviably around God's globe while talk at the Harskamp home is circling around that most unsettling word--"settling". In short- buying a house. Where and when and why are my constant question companions while I let this notion settle into my brain space. The pessimist in me hears the clang of mortgage, cramped crappy 70's home, 10X10 patch of grass passed off as a yard, city kids, but worst of all, nomadic freedom at its end. This minor chord plays while I fine tune my hearing to the major. Our own land, to manipulate, to plant, to beautify. Our own home, where we can knock down walls, and fix our own lightbulbs! A place to call ours, for real, for keeps, for starters.
As far as starter homes go, I'm stuck in an obnoxious b flat. Everything I've seen so far in this "glorious city of Hamilton" is a lot of buck for no bang. I'm told, "don't worry- it's a starter home" to which I am tempted to respond, well then- screw getting "started". Let's go to New Zealand. And if I received even an inkling of encouragement in this regard from my dear husband, the bread winner of the family, I would be happily spending our savings on flights there before Anneliese turns 2 and we've got to buy 4 flights instead of 3. But, the home convo keeps circling like a hungry turkey vulture, who will soon spot that lonely vole and dive. My problem is, I don't want a lonely vole. I want an R.O.U.S (if you don't know that that is, you should find out) That is to say, I want what people say doesn't exist- a big place, a nice home, close to everything, away from everything, peaceful, but sociable, reliable but exciting, full of potential, a place to grow the family UP all the way through, without switching from home to home until we arrive at 'the one'. I want exactly what I had growing up, and I know it's crazy to try and get it. But that seems to be my standard, and if it doesn't exist in Hamilton, might we try elsewhere?
This is danger zone. Leave Hamilton? Because you know, the grass is always greener...
Stay in Hamilton? Raise city kids!?!
At the end of the day, I know it's trivial. Put in its proper perspective, the turkey vulture will get a mouse and be happy because it's alive and soaring. I get that. But I get dreaming too, and that's my privilege as a human being. I don't need to have all my standards met, but I do like to set my standard and shape my visions. The dreaming part is fun too. Just all the more trickier when you are dreaming for two, then three, then four, then five.
Oh ya. We're having another baby :) And he's probably not going to care where he lives, as long as he/she has someone looking out for him. It's crossed my mind occasionally that it really isn't nice how short babyhood/childhood is, considering how long we have to live as responsible adults, buying homes, and paying bills. But I guess the consolation is that while we do our duties in life, and live it, and love others, we can fill up the cracks with developing dreams. And that, folks, ends this blog in the right key, on the right note.
